Badguy house
by lozza1989
Summary: Eight different movie villains are all living together in the same house, putting up with each other etc. No Flames!Please read and review.
1. Chapter 1

Badguy House

Disclaimer: This is a funny story of various movie villians living together in the same house and putting up with one and other. Please note that I do not own any of the Characters, they belong in the movies that they came from.

The villians living together are

Darth Vader-the empire strikes back,1980

Lord Voldemort-Harry Potter and the order of the phoenix 2007

Freddy Krueger-A nightmare on elm street, 1984

Scar-the Lion King,1994

The Joker-Batman,1989

Dr Evil-Austin powers trilogy

Mini-me-Austin powers:Goldmember

Jack Torrance-the Shining,1980

Now to the real story:

"HAS ANYONE SEEN MY WAND, I'VE LOST IT" shrieked Voldemort. The rest of the villians looked up from the various things they were doing.

"DON'T JUST STAND THERE, HELP ME FIND MY WAND" the Dark lord demanded. "How about nooooooo, you crazy wizard of darkness" replied Dr Evil. Voldemort was getting extremely annoyed now. "Just get off your lazy butts and help me find my godamn wand" he snapped. Freddy and Darth vader exchanged looks of confusion and Scar was staring at Voldemort's shoe.

"What are you staring at Lion?" The dark lord snapped. "I think you'll find that your wand is in your shoe" informed Scar. Voldemort looked at his shoe and saw his wand sticking out. "Oh right, thankyou Scar". Scar bowed his black-maned head and scapered outside to hunt.

A little while later, Darth Vader was looking on Ebay for socks, he neeeded some new socks since Scar accidently chewed all his and Jack was going on the rampage with an axe.

"Can (breath) you be careful with that axe (breath) you can cause a serious accident with that" Darth said after Jack nearly knocked his noggin off. "Oops, sorry" he replied in sarcasm then going off on the rampage. He started axing a cuboard door through, then he stuck his head through the newly made hole a shrieked "heeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee's Johnny".Then he let out a yelp as Mini-me who had been in the cuboard bit his nose and was now clinging onto it with his teeth. "CAN SOME ONE GET THIS GODAMN DWARF OFF ME" he bellowed, dropping his axe on the floor. After what seemed like forever, Mini-me finally let go and jack now had a bite mark on his nose.

"I am so going to get that dwarf one of these days" he said in a sinsiter tone. Mini-me kicked him in the chin and Joker who had just witnessed it burst out laughing.

"Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr" Jack said before picking up his Axe and slunging it over his shoudler "I'm so going to get that midget" and he walked off.

--

Sorry it's abit short, Wanted to go to bed because it was nearly midnight. I'l try and have abit more happening in the next chapter. So don't forget to review, I like to see what other people think so don't forget to review if you happened across this story.But the kind of reviews I do not want are Flames, because I hate them very much and they are just a waste of space. So, Chappie 2 will be up very soon.


	2. Party time

Party time

"I'm bored" sighed Dr Evil "anyone fancy a game of scrabble or something?". The other baddies shook their heads. "Riiiiiiiiiiiight" replied Dr Evil simply.

"I know, why don't we have a big party, free beer for all" the Joker suggested. "Yeah" everyone yelled.

Two hours later

The baddies were all staggering about the house, loud music was playing in the background. They all gathered around the coffee table where Voldemort was stood with a blonde wig on his head, plus he was singing.

"_I must confess_

_that my lonliness_

_is killing me now_

_when I'm not with you I lose my mind_

_give me a sigh_

_hit me baby one more time"_ he sung in a high pitched voice through a hairbrush. Scar was giving Darth Vader a ride on his back, Dr Evil and Mini-me where drinking straight out of the kegs,a very drunk Jack was destryoing everything with his axe, Freddy was joining in with Voldemort's kareoke session and the Joker was on the floor, laughing like an Idiot.

"Dude, I'm so godamn pissed" Dr Evil said. "I'm ordering Pizza" The Joker said, getting up off the floor and staggering towards the phone.

"Hi, what Pizza's do you do, yeah, are they any good, so you do cheese, pepperoni, ham, chives etc, well I can't decide, oh what the hell I'll have all the flavours and make sure you get extra toppings on them all, hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha" and he slammed the phone down.

"Yo, Clown features, what type of Pizza did you get?" Asked Dr Evil. "I got all of them, everysingle pizza they had in the joint, bwuhahaahahahaahaha" came the Joker's replie. "Ok, and you're answering the door when it gets here" said Dr Evil.

It took almost three hours before the pizzas finally arrived.

"About bloody time too,I'm starving" said The joker. "Well, go and answer the door you big Idiot" said Freddy. The Joker slowly managed to pull himself off the floor and answer the door to a teenage pizza delivery guy.

"You ordered 12 hundred pizzas sir?" he asked. "Yeppers" the Joker replied, grabbing big bag of pizzas from the delivery boy. "So, how much do I owe ya?" he asked, grinning like a god damn chesire cat. "12 hundred dollars sir" said the boy.The Joker's big grin grew even bigger. "Sure, I have it right here in my pocket, I'll just get it out for you now" and he reached into his pocket and pulled out a small canister of smilex gas.

"What the hell is that?" the delivery boy asked. "Your payment" the Joker said. Before the Delivery guy could say anything, the Joker gave him a face full of the gas. The Delivery boy then started to laugh uncontrollably before falling dead on the floor with a large Jokerized grin on his face.

"Keep the change you Filthy animal, hahahahahahahahahahahahaahaha" and the Joker slammed the door, still laughing like a maniac.


	3. Power cut

power cut

The Joker came back into the front room, carrying the big bag that contained the 12 hundred pizzas.

"Here guys, the pizzas are here" he said, setting the bag down on the floor. The baddies practicly ripped open the bag and pulled out all 12 hundred boxes.

"Did you tip the piza guy off?" Freddy asked as he took a bite out of the pepperoni pizza. "Erm, yeah. He was very very greatful, heeheehee". The baddies were all beginging to get stuck into the pizza when suddenly, the music stopped and they were engulfed in total darkness.

"Woah, who turned out the lights."

"I think we're experiecing a slight power cut guys"

"Bwuhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha, I am a ghost, I will eat you brains, muahahahahahahahahahahaha"

"Eeeeeeeek, who said that?"

"It was The Joker"

"What?"

"It was you saying that you were a ghost and you were going to eat our brains"

"Ok, easy Voldie, I was just kidding around, aiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeee, what was that?"

"It was Mini-me farting, and stop screaming like a girl"

"I cannot see a fricken thing"

"Oof, Dr Evil, that was my foot"

"Sorry Jack"

"You will be, ahahahahahahahahahaha".

"Where are the torches?"

"I don't know, I cannot see a thing"

"Ok, let's not panic(breath) we just need to remian calm"

"Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo, hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha"

" Joker, stop acting like a fricken ghost"

"I was just giving the dark atmopshere a spooky sound effect"

"Idiot, you made Mini-me wet his pants"

"ooh la la, I am so sorry"

"Can everyone just shut the hell up?"

"Aiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeee, someone grabbed me"

"Here's Johnny"

"I know that was you Jack and don't creep up on me like that again".

"Fool, you scream like a girl"

"Hey"

"What, you do. You just did it"

"Don't make me torture you with the dreaded barney song"

"Nooooooo, anything but that"

"Ok then, if you ever say I scream like a girl again, I will sing the dreaded barney song, hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahha, oooga booga, hehehehehehehehehe".

"This place is haunted"

"No it isn't Scar"

"then how come the fricken lights arn't on then"

"A simple (breath) power failure"

"Incoming krueger"

"Dammit Freddy"

"Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha, assholes"

"Shut up"

"That's it, I'm gonna jump on you"

Sounds of tackles and slight swear words were being heard in the darkness until the lights came back on. Dr Evil's trousers had been pulled down, Mini-me had somehow ended up under the cushions, The Joker had Freddy Krueger in a headlock, Voldemort and Darth vader were caught in a tangle, Scar got his head stuck in a plant pot, Jack had accidently chopped the pizza bag into shreds.

"Hallujah,we have light" Scar said in sarcasm. "Now I can see where I'm going" Darth vader said. "how can you see with that thing on your head?" the Joker asked, looking at Darth vader suspiciously. "Watch it" the sith lord barked. "Ok, can we finish eating the pizza?" asked Dr Evil. "Ok" everyone yelled. They all ate all the pizzas.


	4. The morning after

The morning after

The baddies were all sprawled out on the floor, snoring and they were surrounded by 12 hundred empty pizza boxes.

It was about 6 in the morning when they all got woken up by a loud crash. They all looked and saw Team Rocket in the middle of the room."What the hell?" Freddy asked. With that, Team Rocket began to recide their infamous motto.

"Prepare for trouble

and make it double

to protect the world from devestation

to unite all peoples within our nation

to denounce the evils of truth and love

to extend our reach to the stars above

Jessie

James

Team Rocket blast off at the speed of light

surround now or prepare to fight

Meowth, that's right". The baddies just stared at them blankly. "Who are these guys?" Dr evil whispered. "Don't worry, let me sort it" The Joker suggested, rubbing his hands together and putting on the most stupidest grin yet. He walked over to Team Rocket and told them to stand on a spot which suspisciously had an X drawn on it.

"Why do we have to stand here?" the blue haired team rocket member known as James asked. "Erm, you'll find out in aproxx two minutes" the Joker replied then walking over to a lever that was attached to the wall.Grinning like an idiot, he pulled the lever and Team Rocket were catapulted through the roof.

"Look's like Team's rockets blasting off again" they chanted as they flew into the sky.

"Ha, I knew that old catapult device would come in handy one day" the Joker said whislt still grinning. "And what about the hole in the roof?" Voldemort asked, hands on hips like an angry mother scolding her child.

"Oh that, well erm hahahahaha, I could get someone to fix that" the Joker replied, looking sheepish. Growling, Voldmeort dumped a pile of planks of wood on him. "You were the one responsible for causing the hole in the roof, so you fix it" the dark lord barked. "Aww man, you're no fun" the Joker complained. "Just do your job or I'll turn you into a fluffy white rabbit" Voldemort snapped. "Noooo, anything but that, I don't wanna be a white fluffy rabbit" the Joker begged. "Well go and fix the roof then and I may not turn you into a fluffy white rabbit" Voldemort ordered.

About 1 hour later

"Hey, who's banging on the fricken roof?" Dr evil asked. The baddies all ran outside and saw the Joker on the roof, fixing the hole that he made earlier when he catapulted Team Rocket through it. He was singing as he was hammering the nails into the planks of wood.

"Bob the builder

can we fix it?

Bob the builder

Yes we can". He didn't even notice the other baddies watching him. "I didn't know he likes Bob the builder?" Dr Evil whispered to Mini-me. After four hours of roof repairing, the Joker finally came back inside.

"It's all done, the roof is repaired" he announced. "Good, and don't make a hole in the roof again or else you'll fix it again" Voldemort said sternly. The Joker saluted Voldemort and went to sit next to Jack who was polishing his axe.

"Hey, Jack old buddy, want to have a staring contest?" The Joker suggested. "Why not, I've got nothing better to do" Jack replied. So, he and the Joker started on a long staring competion.

"How long do you think they'll keep it up?" Freddy asked. "I don't know, let's just watch them and see who wins" Darth vader suggested.


	5. When Villains watch movie parodies

When Villains watch Movie Parodies

The staring competition didn't last for long. The Joker had blinked in the first five minutes and lost.

"It's kind of hard keeping your eyes from blinking for hours" he said in a sheepish way. "How about we watch a movie or something?" Dr Evil suggested. The baddies couldn't decided what to watch.

"How about this one?" suggested Darth vader holding up a Dvd entitled Scary Movie. "What's that supposed to be about?" Freddy asked as he polished his knifes. "It's a piss take on horror movies" explained Darth vader. Freddy nearly fell back in horror. "What, that film takes the piss out of horror movies, I'm in a horror film" he complained. Darth vader gave him the bird for some reason.

"Well, we're watching it because I could do with a laugh" he retorted as he stuck the Dvd into the dvd player and pressed play.

The movie had opened up on a house where a young woman was making popcorn on the cooker.

"How come she's making Popcorn on the cooker, use a microwave love" The Joker yelled at the screen. "Shut up, I'm trying to watch the movie" Scar said.

The phone rang and the woman had picked it up.

_"Hello?" she spoke_

_"wanna have a little fun?" came a creepy voice on the other end._

_"who is this?" she asked._

_"Tell me your name and I'll tell you mine" replied the evil voice from the other end._

_"I don't think so" she replied followed by a fart noise._

_"What was that noise?" the voice asked._

_"Ooops, I farted I didn't think you would hear me" she replied_.

"Yuck she farted, dirty bitch" the Joker yelled. "Shut up" everyone barked.

Later on in the movie.

"Anyone else reckon that Doofy is a complete and utter retard?" Dr Evil asked.

_Doofy the retard drools on his chin._

"Ha, he can't even swallow his own drool hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahaha".

"Will you shut up and stop laughing so much, sheesh" Voldemort snapped. The Joker started making rude gestures towards him. "Nanananananana, you stink and you're married to your pet chicken" he sang.

"Will you just shut the hell up for once?" Freddy barked.

They had now gotten to the scene where the snooty girl mets the killer in the girl's changing room and she thinks it's all just an act.

_"ooooh, is this were i'm supposed to bleed, oh look, i'm bleeding,eeck,eeeck" she said in an annoying high pitched voice after the killer imitading the killer from Scream had stabbed her in the stomach._

"That is one stupid ass bitch, she's been stabbed for real and she thinks it's a game" The Joker commented.

_She was now running around the spot yelling "I'M RUNNING, I'M RUNNING" before stopping and saying "oh, now I'm going to fall and break my leg, leaving me helpless" and she bent her leg foreward, causing a bone to stick out._

The baddies recoiled in shock at the sight of this.

"Dun dun dun" The Joker sang in a menacing tone.

_"There you go Mister Scary Killer, I'm panicking now" she said, gesturing to her now broken leg. The annoyed killer was now making his way towards her as she pulled herself away from him whilst saying in a annoying tone "oh god, somebody please help me, oh god". The Killer had now approached her and had taken out a small hachet._

_"Oh, I guess this is the big climax,hope you don't if I fake it" and she started making these stupid noises. The killer had chopped her head off but her now decapitated head was still talking._

_"Oh look at me, I'm all dead, I'm a gross scary severed head, come on"._

The baddies were all laughing at that part, even Voldemort had found it amusing.

They had watched the movie all the way through and after it had finished, they kept talking about it.

"I couldn't stop laughing at the part when the killer and all those druggies where sat in the room stoned" Dr Evil said.

"What about the part in the cinema and that black girl wouldn't shut up and her phone rang when all those other people where trying to watch the movie, hahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha" the Joker said who was now on the floor in giggles.

"Well my favourite part was when they all did the wassuppppppppppppp thing (breath) that was piss funny" said Darth Vader.

"Well that's mothing compared to the ending when it was found out that doofy was the killer" Scar explained.

"Yeah, I didn't expect that. The retard turns out to be the killer in the end" said Jack whilst polishing his axe. "Yeah" said Voldemort "it's always the one you'd least expect".

The Villains kept on talking about for the rest of the day.


	6. Another villain moves in

Another villain moves in

Count Olaf walked down the street, dragging a large battered suitcase along the ground. He had just been kicked out of his house after he refused to pay rent so now he was looking for some place to live.

"Stupid balifs, think they can throw me out of my home. I shouldn't be paying rent, I'm too good for that and they know it" he muttered to himself. He huffed in frustration and continued walking down the street.

Meanwhile, back in the badguy house, Dr evil was trying to complete a thousand piece jigsaw puzzle of las vegas but was finding it hard because the pieces were so tiny.

"Godamnit, where does this fricken piece go" he snarled in frustration. The boald evil genius had finally reached the end of his tether and flung the pieces off the table and they scattered all over the floor.

"Woah, having trouble with a simple jigsaw puzzle are we, Doc?" the Joker asked in a taunting voice. Dr evil flipped him off.

"It's fricken hard, I'm not doing it" he barked. Darth vader wasn't too pleased with the mess that he had made.

"You shouldn't throw the pieces all over the room just because you can't do it" he barked in anger. The Joker was trying hard not to giggle as Dr Evil argued back.

"Well, you try it then, then you will see how hard it fricken is" and he stomped upstairs in frustration.

Count Olaf was still walking down the street when he came across a large house with a sign saying, badguy house, where defeated or homeless villains go.

"Oooooh, I might fit in here perfectly" he said with a sneer, picking up his suitcase and walking up to the front doors. Setting his suitcase down, he banged on the front door. Olaf waited for about five minutes until he was greeted by Voldemort.

"What?" he demanded. "Erm, I notice that this is a house where villains go to live if they are homeless or defeated and I was wondering if I can come and live here because I was kicked out of my house" he explained. Voldemort looked at him suspiciously before noticing the battered suitcase next to his feet.

"Get in then and stop gawping at my face" he barked. Olaf grinned, picked up his case and walked into the front room where he was almost mowed down by the Joker who was riding around on a scooter.

"Hey, watch it" Olaf spat then shoving his way into the room and sat on the sofa between Freddy and Jack.

"Who's this?" demanded Vader. "He's moving in" Voldemort replied. "What do they call you then?" Freddy asked the newcomer.

"Olaf, Count Olaf" Olaf replied. The Joker looked amused and walked over to Olaf.

"Are you related to Count Dracula?" he asked. Olaf gave the Joker a strange look and asked "What are you talking about?".

"Well, seeing as you're both Counts, I was wondering if you were related". Olaf didn't look too impressed and was seeing red.

"How dare you, I am not a vampire" and he picked up his suitcase and marched up stairs.

"He's abit hostile isn't he this oloaf,oaflilly, offiy, ofadillyfofillynillywilly whatever his name is, I only asked him if he was related to Dracula" the Joker told Freddy . Suddenly, there was a scream from upstairs before Dr Evil came rushing into the room, wearing a towel around his waist.

"WHO THE FRICK IS THAT?" he demanded. "What are you getting at?" Voldemort asked as Olaf walked in looking red faced.

"HIM" Dr Evil yelled "HE WALKED IN ON ME WHILE I WAS HAVING A SHOWER" he bellowed. Every one looked on in stunned silience except for the Joker who found it hilarious.

"Dr Evil, this is Count Olaf and I don't think he knew that you was in the shower, he's just moved in you see" Voldemort replied. "Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight" replied Dr evil "now if you don't mind, I'd like to finish having my shower" he continued, putting his pinky to his mouth and heading back up the stairs.

"I honestly didn't know he was in there" Olaf protested putting his hands up.

"Never mind that now, welcome to badguy house" Voldemort announced.


	7. Olaf's first day in badguy house

Olaf's first day in badguy house

"So, is this place called badguy house?" Olaf asked.

"Well duuuuuuuuuuuuuh" retorted Scar "what do we think we are, children's entertainers?". Olaf shrugged and flopped himself on the arm chair.

"So?" he asked, looking at his dirty finger nails "what do you guys do basicly?"

"Well, we just hang around talking and doing stuff (breath)" said Vader. Olaf looked at him briefly for a second.

"Why do you wear a mask, is there something wrong with your face?" the count asked curiosly. "Yes, I was almost burnt alive in lava when I was young so now I have to wear this suit because it hides my hideous appearence" Darth replied. Olaf nodded, took out a battered nail filer and began filing his nails.

Meanwhile, Mini-me and the Joker were having a competition to see who could belch the loudest.

"Burp" went Mini-me.

"Buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrpppppppppppppp" went the Joker. His was louder than Mini-me's

"Ha, you snooze, you lose dwarf man, your belch is pathetic, ha". In response, Mini-me kicked the Joker in the kneecaps.

"oooof-you little son of a bitch" he growled then attempted to chase Mini-me around the room.

Olaf was still busy filing his nails when Mini-me jumped on him whilst being chased by the Joker.

"Can't you two stop acting like a couple of children?" he snarled as Mini-me ran into the kitchen and hid in the cupboard.

"Sorry olafeeknee,cancancookie I have a dwarf problem that needs sorting out. Now where did that little pip-squeak go?" and the Joker went looking for Mini-me. Olaf rolled his eyes and continued to file his nails. Freddy came sauntering over to him.

"So, how are you finding life in badguy house?" he asked. "Ok I guess, I guess I could get used to the madness that goes of". Freddy nodded. Sighing, Olaf got up of the armchair and went into the kitchen to see if he could make a sandwich because he was hungry. He walked into the kitchen and saw mini-me and the Joker hitting each other with flyswats.

"Oh my god, you two are so childish" olaf said in dispair.

"Hahahahahahahahaha, and you are so boring Count Olafafifi" the Joker replied as he narrowly missed being hit by Mini-me's flyswat. Olaf rolled his eyes again and proceeded to search for stuff to make a sandwich with. He ignored the shrieks and crazy laughter coming from both the Joker and Mini-me.

"let's see, pickle, gerkin, ham, ah now this fish paste looks nice now bread, where is the bread, oh yes, bread, good bread, now I can make a sandwich" and Olaf began to make a fish paste sarny then he realised something.

"Awwwwww, I forgot the roast beef ". He turned to the two villains who were still fighting with the flyswats.

"Excue me, but do you know where the roast beef is?" he asked.

"Roast beef?" the Joker asked, looking confused.

"Yes Roast beef" Olaf replied "it's the french term for beef that is roasted". The other two villains just blankly stared at Olaf.

"Oh never mind" he snarled in frustration "I'll just have it without the roast beef then". So he angrily slammed the paste onto the spread, angrily began spreading it about and angrily placed the top bit on. He then angrily took a bite out of it.

"next time, you better get me some roast beef" he snarled, glaring at the Joker and Mini-me.

"What if we don't want to?" the Joker teased, folding his arms. Olaf growled again in frustration.

"Oh else you will pay" he replied in a sinister tone then walking back into the front room. He angrily threw himself back into the armchair and sighed in frustration.

"I'm going to finish unpacking" he muttered, pulling himself up from the armchair and going upstairs.

Meanwhile, in the basement, Jack was busy typing on some old type writer he had found when he was interupted by the Joker.

"Hello, Jacko. What you up to?" he asked, trying to see what he was typing. "None of your buisness" he barked "can you leave now because I'm busy".

"Awwwww, let me see what your writing?" the Joker asked, trying to look at what Jack was writing but he quickly covered it up.

"Awwwww man, you are so touchy" he teased. Jack sighed and said "look, when you hear me typing like this" he types with a manic grin on his face "oh when ever you don't hear me typing, whatever the fuck you hear me doing in here, that means I am working, that means don't come in. You think you can handle that?"he demanded.

"No problemo, you're the boss" the Joker said with a salute.

"Good, why don't you start right now and get the fuck out of here" Jack ordered. The Joker did some kind of moonwalk to the door and gave Jack thumbs up. In response, Jack gave him the bird.

Ok now, I want you to decide on who the funniest character is, Don't worry, I'm not going to make you choose, it's your decision. So, if you leave a review, I'd like to know who you think is the funniest villain. Seeyou soon.


	8. playin in snow

Playin in snow

"And the weather's forecast tomorrow is snow for the whole day" the weather man announced on the tv.

"Booring" Olaf called out. "No it isn't, snow is fun" Joker announced. "No it isn't, it's cold" Olaf argued. "Spoil sport" Joker replied. Olaf stuck out his tongue. Vader was getting annoyed with their bickering and told them not to sit near each other.

"I will not tolerate childish Villains in this house" he thundered. Scar rolled his eyes and Voldemort had his hands glued to the door.

"Now who in their right minds would put glue on the door?" he asked. He scanned the room to find the culprit but they all had the innocent look.

"Look you guys, I know one of yous did this to annoy me so why don't you own up" he ordered. "Oh come on Volders, can't you take a Joke?" Joker asked then snickering.

"Did you do this?" Voldemort demanded. "Yes, I am the one who put glue on the door and i'm proud of that piece of handywork" Joker replied. Voldemort was fuming.

"Once I get my hands free, I am going to kill you" he thundered. "Ok easy Volds, no need to take it personally" said Joker. Voldemort growled in fury and asked Darth to help him.

The next morning, the villains woke up to find it snowing.

"Ooooooooooooh" they all said, exept for Olaf who refused to have anything to do with it.

"Ok, we're gonna go out in the snow" Voldemort said. "Why?" Dr Evil asked. "Because I love it" he giggled before grabbing a sled and running out in it. "Riiight" was Dr response. " Wait for me Voldie" Joker called out, chasing after Voldemort. Soon, all the baddies where out in the snow.

"Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee" Voldmeort screamed as he slid down the hill on his sled.

"Ok, it's my turn on the sled" Joker announced. "Who said?" Voldemort asked, hands on hips. "Erm, me" Joker replied.

"No, you touch this sled and I'll kill you" the dark lord growled. "Fine, if you want to do this the hard way then that's the way it is" Joker replied then getting out a long barreled gun and pointed it at Voldemort.

"What the hell are you doing you crazy clown?" Voldemort demanded.

"You ever danced with the devil in the pale moonlight?" Joker asked. "What are you getting at?" Voldemort.

"it's what I ask every victim before I kill them" Joker replied. "What. Ok, you can go on the sled, just don't shoot me" Voldemort pleaded.

"See, that wasn't so bad was it?" he asked, patting voldemort on the face. Joker grabbed the sled and walked up the hill with it.

"Ok guys,prepare to be amazed" he called out from the top of the hill. He then stood on the sled and it rolled down the hill. Joker had his arms out like he was surfing.

"Oh my god, I so cannot believe what a fricken fool he's making of himself" Dr Evil said. The sled was now off the hill but it was heading straight for Darth vader's snowman.

"Look out darth" Joker called out before crashing into the snowman.

"You idiot, you ruined my snowman" Vader thundered. Joker threw a snowball at him and laughed.

"What (breath) was that for?" he demanded. "Felt like it" Joker replied. "Right, now it's my turn" Darth said, picking up a snowball and throwing it at Joker who quickly jumped out of the way.

"haha, missed me" he teased. Darth vader was really pissed off now.

"Alright, you asked for it, prepare to meet the mother of all snowballs" Darth protested before making a very large snowball.

"Hey, I want a snowball fight too" Voldemort screamed, throwing a snowball at Darth vader.

"Allright, that's (breath) it" Darth vader growled and chased after Voldemort with his giant snowball. Pretty soon, the villains in a furious snowball fight, except for Scar.

"I'm surrounded by Idiots" he protested.


	9. Badguy christmas party

Badguy christmas party

"I know this is may sound odd, but stealing a christmas tree is worth it" Dr Evil said as he dragged a six foot Christmas tree into badguy house and putting it up agaisnt the wall.

"Where did you get that bloody thing?" Voldemort asked. "I swiped it from a shop that was selling Christmas trees, the fricken seller didn,t notice me taking it, muahahahahaha".

"So, where's the baubles and tinsles and stuff?" Voldemort questioned. Dr Evil looked at the tree and noticed that the decorations were missing. "Oh my frick" he said as he slapped his slaphead.

"Don't worry, I think we have some in the loft" Darth vader announced.

"And I'm going to get them" the Joker replied and he ran upstairs, went into the loft and came down about ten minutes later carrying a box full of tinsel and baubles.

"I knew we had some from last year" Darth vader said.

"Ok villains, let's brighten up this sucker" said Voldemort, gesturing to the tree , the villains were decorating the christmas tree. When they had finished, it looked pretty awesome.

"Ok guys, I'm bored" said Olaf. "Join the club" replied Scar.

"You know what I'm in the mood for" Voldemort announced. "What?" the villains asked.

"A party, a full on, Christmas eve party. Anybody in". Everybody raised their hands (in Scar's case, paw). "Ok, let's have the ultimate party".

Soon, the villains were once again involved in a drunken party and the mess was unbelievable.

"Ten big bottles of beer on the wall, ten big bottles of beer" The Joker and Voldemort sang in a drunken manner and on the coffee table. Voldemort looked completly hammered and was finding it hard to stand on his feet.

"Stop falling over Voldie, we haven't finished our duet yet" the Joker said as Voldemort fell on his ass.

"Sorry my friend, my foot slipped" the drunken dark lord replied. He spewed on the carpet.

"Well, will you look at that" said Voldemort "my beer doesn't seem to agree with me".

"I think old voldie has had one too many" Dr Evil said. Mini-me nodded in agreement.

"Man, is he going to have on big hang over tomorrow" Freddy added. Voldemort was utterly pissed that he crashed head first into the wall unit and was knocked out cold.

"I think our old friend Voldemort will be spending the night there" the Joker said, prodding Voldemort with his cane.

"I have never (breath) even seen him so totally pissed in all my life" Darth vader said.

"It's that time of year darth, some people shut be allowed to get hammered" the Joker replied " now, who wants to do a duet with me, any takers?". He stood on the table and waited for some one to join him.

"Anyone, come on" he said. "I'll do it" Dr Evil replied, getting on the table.

"Right Dr Evil, are you ready to rock?" the Joker asked. Dr Evil nodded. "Ok, then, let's get singing"

And this is what they sang.

"Rockin around the Christmas tree

At the Christmas party hop

Mistletoe hung where you can see

Every couple tries to stop

You will get a sentimental feeling, when you hear, voices singing

Let's be jolly,Deck the halls with boughs of holly, Rocking around the Christmas tree

Have a happy holiday

Everyone's dancing merrily

In the new old fashioned way".

After they had finished, the Joker had his own Christmas song to sing.

"Ahem, hears one of my favourite Christmas songs ahem, Jingle Bells, batman smells, Robin layed an egg, the batmobile lost it's wheel and the Joker got away, hey".

"Have you been watching the Simpsons?" Freddy asked "Bart Simpson often sings that at Christmas time".

"I know that, I just like it, hahahahahahahhahaha" the Joker replied.

"What is going on?". Voldemort had just come round. "You've missed it, the Joker and Dr Evil were doing a duet together" Olaf replied.

"I'm next" Voldemort screamed then passing out again.

"I think he's had enough for one night" Freddy commented.


	10. christmas at badguy house

Christmas at badguy house

The baddies were up until 1 in the morning, but that didn't stop them from getting up early on Christmas day. Voldemort had a bad hang-over and didn't feel like getting up the next day but the other villains had other ideas.

"You can't spend Christmas day in bed" Dr Evil said. "Go away" Voldemort grumbled, pulling the covers over his head "I have a banging headache".

"That's because you drank a whole bottle of vodka last night" Olaf stated. He was rolling around the room on his new roller-blades and crashed onto Voldemort.

"Get off me olaf" he shrieked, shoving him off. He tried to go back to sleep but he was jumped on by the Joker.

"Get up Voldy, you can't stay in bed, not today" he giggled then attempted to pull Voldemort out of bed.

"Ok, Ok, I'll get up, now stop tugging on my arm Joker" the dark lord barked. "I'm off" the Joker replied "now, it's time for you to open your pressies, heeheeheehee" and he grabbed Voldemort by the arm again.

"Will you stop doing that, it's getting irritating now" he barked. "But Voldemort, wait until you see your presents and they are waiting to be opened". He dragged Voldemort into the room and shoved him to a pile of presents.

"Are they all for me?" he asked. "Well Duh" came the Joker's response. A grin spread across spread across Voldemort's face and like a little kid, he dived into them and instantly began ripping them open.

"I have never seen Voldemort act like this before" said Dr Evil. "I think it's because he acts like a big kid when it comes to christmas time (breath)" Darth vader added. "Look, I got roller skates" Voldemort giggled as he put them on and started rolling around the room on them, but had no control over them.

"Voldemort, watch out for the bookcase" Olaf yelled. "What Bookcase?" asked Voldemort, clearly unaware that he was heading straight for the bookcase.

"That...." Olaf said before Voldemort crashed into the bookcase and a whole pile of books fell on top of him "never mind".

"WHY DIDN'T SOMEBODY TELL ME THERE WAS A BOOKCASE THERE?"Voldemort shrieked.

"I did try to warn you" Olaf protested, throwing his hands in the air.

That afternoon, they were all piled in the kitchen, making the Christmas dinner.

"Yeuch, Brussel sprouts, I hate Brussel sprouts" the Joker pointed out when he saw Darth vader putting Brussel sprouts in the pan. "Tough" said Darth vader, pointing a spatula "everyone is having Brussel sprouts, even you, now make yourself useful and cut those carrots up". The Joker stuck his tongue out at Darth vader when he had his back turned before going to cut the Carrots up. He looked to see if Darth vader still had his back turned. He did, so the Joker started eating a full carrot.

"How you getting on with them carrots?" Darth vader asked. Het urned around and saw the Joker still eating a full carrot.

"What's up Doc?" he asked, taking the carrot out of his mouth. "I thought I told you to cut those carrots up, not eat them" Darth vader boomed. "I was hungry Darthy" the Joker said simply then putting the carrot back in his mouth. "Arrrrrrrrrgh, you useless scum, get out of the kitchen" Darth vader growled.

"Fair enough" the Joker said as he sauntered back into the front room.

Darth vader spend an hour doing the dinner. When It was done, all the villains sat around the table.

"Oh man, I got Brussel sprouts" the Joker moaned "Darthy, you a really mean, I told you I hated Brussel sprouts".

"Shut up" Darth vader barked "I slaved for an hour making this, including the Brussel sprouts".

"I'll eat everything else on the plate, but not the Brussel sprouts" the Joker replied. When Darth Vader wasn't looking, the Joker tipped his Brussel Sprouts into his pocket and prentended that he did eat them.

That evening, Voldemort got bored so he decided to let out his 176 pet snakes loose.

"Aiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee" the other Villians screamed when they saw all the snakes.

"That's it, enough is enough, I've had it with these Motherfucking Snakes in this Motherfucking house" the Joker pointed out who had proceeded on the shelf to get away from Voldemort's Snakes.

"Fricken hell Voldemort, why did you have to let out all those fricken snakes, honestly, throw me a fricken bone here" Dr Evil added.

"They were all cooped up in their tank" Voldemort protested.

"Put them back, they're trying to eat my feet" Jack yelled.

"Ok" sighed "Ok Snakes, time to go back in your tank" said Voldemort, geting out his tank. The Snakes all slithered back in their tank.

"Phew, now I can get down" Dr Evil said.

"Now, no more getting Snakes out their tank again Voldie" the Joker said, patting Voldemort's face "we've already got one Snake loose".

"What, who?" asked Voldemort, clearly confused. "You my friend, your the Snake that is loose, hahahahahahahahahaha" the Joker cackled then running out the room.

"How dare he compare me to a serpent" Voldemort hissed. "Well" stated Olaf.

"Well what?" Voldemort demanded angrilly. "You do look like a snake".

"Arrrrrrrrrrghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh" Voldemort screamed, brandishing his wand and chasing Olaf around the house with it.

"Well, this has been one heck of a Christmas" Dr Evil sighed. Mini-me nodded in agreement.


End file.
